Unconditional Love

Another hope of mine for 2012 is to read at least a book a month. I failed at this dismally last year - but it is a new year and we had a lot of changes going on last year - so I definitely see room for progress :) I have already finished reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan (and we still have quite a few days left in the month - woohoo!!) I read this book in just under a week (fast for me) but it has left me thinking about it a lot longer. So challenging and thought provoking. It disturbed my mind so much that after a few days of chatting to hubby about it, I decided I needed a time to just unload all my thoughts to God. On my own. Door shut. On my knees. Nothing held back.

Wow - and boy am I glad I did :) I just started telling God everything.......and I was getting all negative and wondering how this was going to help, when all of sudden that thought comes into your mind that just gets you right deep inside........deep within your soul. I said the words 'condiotnal love." And the tears began to flow. I cried. I would say wept. I realised in that moment that conditonal love is how I show love and fell loved. SO many conditions attached. God spoke to me about His "unconcitional love." Although I have heard this phrase many times - it hasn't been absorped deep within me. It is not how I live. And it is not how I love.

So 2012 is the year of UNCONDIOTNAL LOVE!!!!!

I am going to read about it. Learn as much as I can about it. Act it out. Receive it. Craft it. Journal it. By 2013 I plan to be living this uncondiotnal love.

I plan to be so much more open with God, and hope to get to that place a lot sooner. I often hold onto thoughts and use so much energy up worring about things, when I beleive God longs to meet with us about everything.

The closest I know to this love is with my kids. While I was weeping on the floor in my room - my youngest boy of only 2 came into the room. He was not happy and he let me know it. Something about wanting a candy cane and that dad wouldn't let him have it?? But in that moment, with all the yelling and stomping I just felt love. Pure, out of body moment, of absolute love. I stroked his hot little face and just longed to hold him (despite the tantrum) and God spoke to me then, saying "that is how I love you. Even when you are angry and ignoring me. At your worst - I LOVE YOU!!!!"

Wow. What a moment!!!! It spoke to me deep within. Something clicked that day. Something changed. for which I am so thankful. My new journey of unconditional love has started :) And I love it!!!!

Getting back to the book. I am left with mixed thoughts that I could go into but would make this blog way too long. I will just say it was good to be challenged, but don't necessarliy agree with the way it was all presented. One to look at further - which we plan to do in our girls group this year.

Keep progressing.