Unconditional Love

Another hope of mine for 2012 is to read at least a book a month. I failed at this dismally last year - but it is a new year and we had a lot of changes going on last year - so I definitely see room for progress :) I have already finished reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan (and we still have quite a few days left in the month - woohoo!!) I read this book in just under a week (fast for me) but it has left me thinking about it a lot longer. So challenging and thought provoking. It disturbed my mind so much that after a few days of chatting to hubby about it, I decided I needed a time to just unload all my thoughts to God. On my own. Door shut. On my knees. Nothing held back.

Wow - and boy am I glad I did :) I just started telling God everything.......and I was getting all negative and wondering how this was going to help, when all of sudden that thought comes into your mind that just gets you right deep inside........deep within your soul. I said the words 'condiotnal love." And the tears began to flow. I cried. I would say wept. I realised in that moment that conditonal love is how I show love and fell loved. SO many conditions attached. God spoke to me about His "unconcitional love." Although I have heard this phrase many times - it hasn't been absorped deep within me. It is not how I live. And it is not how I love.

So 2012 is the year of UNCONDIOTNAL LOVE!!!!!

I am going to read about it. Learn as much as I can about it. Act it out. Receive it. Craft it. Journal it. By 2013 I plan to be living this uncondiotnal love.

I plan to be so much more open with God, and hope to get to that place a lot sooner. I often hold onto thoughts and use so much energy up worring about things, when I beleive God longs to meet with us about everything.

The closest I know to this love is with my kids. While I was weeping on the floor in my room - my youngest boy of only 2 came into the room. He was not happy and he let me know it. Something about wanting a candy cane and that dad wouldn't let him have it?? But in that moment, with all the yelling and stomping I just felt love. Pure, out of body moment, of absolute love. I stroked his hot little face and just longed to hold him (despite the tantrum) and God spoke to me then, saying "that is how I love you. Even when you are angry and ignoring me. At your worst - I LOVE YOU!!!!"

Wow. What a moment!!!! It spoke to me deep within. Something clicked that day. Something changed. for which I am so thankful. My new journey of unconditional love has started :) And I love it!!!!

Getting back to the book. I am left with mixed thoughts that I could go into but would make this blog way too long. I will just say it was good to be challenged, but don't necessarliy agree with the way it was all presented. One to look at further - which we plan to do in our girls group this year.

Keep progressing.

Well I have committed to doing a triathlon in February and the time to train is getting less and less. If it wasn't for a dear friend and her commitment to the goal I think I would have chickened out. Check her story out over here. There isn't much like having a dream and seeing it achieved. It's scary and it's hard work but it is something I want to do more of. For too much of my life I have neglected to even dream, let alone work towards seeing my dreams achieved. So as I have posted before, the new year means seeing dreams achieved and to be able to have that happen I need to be organized. I have a triathlon training plan to follow, which I am willing to share, and I have friends who are committed to the event. A plan and some allies - two things I think that will work well towards seeing my dream achieved. Last night rpm (cycling), this morning swimming and tomorrow out for a run.

My other dream for this year is getting crafty. I badly want to make a quilt.....so tonight I am searching for a plan for that. And I have recruited my mum.......the perfect plan to get some help but also have some bonding time with my mummy.

My dottieangel challenge is also going well......an hour at the op shop with my little girl yesterday saw me the owner of 2 pairs of shorts (one being a beautiful witchery pair), 5 tops (one being a lovely country road one) and a gorgeous new dress for my next 'dress up' event. It was a great chance to a) have an outing with lovely lil but also b) be a good example to her with recycling (and my add on to the challenge - for every item purchased I have to get rid of one out of my closet). We came home and counted out 8 items to donate.

Not everything perfect in my world. Hubby is home and for some reason (which I am still trying to analyze) I take a few days to adjust to that and enjoy. I am also reading a book called Crazy Love which is doing my head in a bit with challenging the nuts and bolts of my faith and my understanding of who God is. But with keeping to my mantra for 2012 'progress not perfection' I am going to push through and keep reading.

Hope others are progressing this year too.

One week in

       twenty12........a new year. a chance to do new things,

   dream new dreams, do things differently.

i am excited about this new year.

i am dreaming new things and i am doing things differently.
(with the help of this fab little journal)

organisation is my word for this year.

simple changes to my life as a mum, as a wife, as a minister,

as a chic that wants to discover her creative side

and as a hopeful marathon runner.

one week into the year I am happy with my progress.

obviously not 'there' in one week, but progress is my goal - so I am delighted.

I also have come across another little challenge or goal for 2012.....

love op-shopping to this will help me go more :)

Progress not perfection

Well, I thought as this blog was set up almost a year ago that it would be good to put something down before the year is over. The title of this blog is my latest mantra. Hence why I think I should type something rather than wait til I have everything set up beautifully and in order. I mainly want to blog for my own record of memories, but obviously if that was the only reason I would just privately journal. I also 'openly' love interacting with others and having other peoples comments, praises ;) and i also love hearing their stories. I am an honest person.

Like everyone, I have just come through the whirlwind of Christmas, (which I absolutely loved) but unlike everyone mine included my first year of being an officer (aka minister) of a Salvation Army church. Busy. So that is why I am lying here in my pj's, relaxing while my 3 kids are doing something they love, watching the Pink Panther. I do want an ordered house, a fit and taut body, a passionate intimate marriage, healthy creative knowledgable children and a church that is growing with faith-filled Jesus following people....but I also don't want to be crazily busy and stressed out. So that is why I say to myself many times a day 'progress is better than perfection'. I do plan to achieve all of the above things but not at the cost of my sanity, my marriage or my children's joy.

As I went off to the gym at 6:45 last night, with my parents and grandad visiting, and my children still unfed and still awake, I shook off the guilt that was trying to overtake my mind and stop my body from leaving the house, (must add I had already cooked them dinner and my folks had been over all day). I came home with a feeling of such achievement and with a clear mind. I had done body balance and it always ends with about 6 or 7 mins of relaxation; so not only had I worked my body but my mind was cleared of its usual busyness. I was able to have a good amount of time to centre my thoughts and focus on something else very important to me......God. My mind went to the beach, where I sat with God and was reminded of his love for me and how He longs to have time with me too. All this achieved by me daring to take time for myself and step out of the house - for dare I say it - a whole hour and a half!! I think time well spent for everyone in my family. I totally agree with the saying, a happy wife = a happy family......or however it goes :)

As I type here with aching muscles from my gym session last night, I am optimistic of my mantra becoming the way I live. Progressing forward to the things I dream of and want to achieve but knowing it won't all happen now or all at the same time. I hope those reading this have dreams but also have the courage to take the first step and not be stopped by the killer of perfection. May the year twenty12 be a year that sees many people - and I plan to be one of them, making progress in their dreams and goals. Happy New Year!!